Tales of Twilight
by AncientDragoness
Summary: When things go awry, it's always good to have a hearty laugh with fiends. I mean friends. It's especially funny when your companion is a wolf...or an imp. Oneshot collection, mostly spotlighting Wolf Link and Midna. 2: Courageous Meat Cleaver
1. Klutz

Good day to you.

I understand that other stories need to be updated, but I've a case of writer's block--and no, it's not an excuse!--that stems largely from my mind being occupied with other things. Like school.

However, to keep up with my _creative_ writing, I am now installing a oneshot collection. It will be mostly humour/friendship/family, but I am willing to take requests. :\

Yay!/No! what have you.

Enjoy.

* * *

From deep within the shadows of a twilit dungeon, Midna grinned. Okay, it was actually more of a demonic, fanged, slightly evil smirk born from the misfortune of others, but hey. She does her best.

Despite all she had been through up to that point, (inwardly, she blamed Zant for virtually _everything_ these days) she could barely suppress the girlish giggles that threatened to escape her misshapen form. The sight before her was simply too amusing! _Stupid wolf, or what was a man, thinking he can break a chain with his _teeth! _Idiot._ That's right. Midna had sunk so low that she was now getting her kicks out of a poor, distraught, panicking animal. Oh, how the mighty hath fallen.

After observing his futile efforts for a few minutes longer, she decided to move in, hopefully scaring him in the process. (Of course, even _she_ wasn't about to watch the deranged wolf try to gnaw off his own paw, which he was obviously now contemplating doing.) So, utilizing her Twili Camouflage technique, Midna phased into the cell out of the deep shadows, a serious look on her face.

As she had suspected, the wolf stopped his attempted self mutilation, his head snapping up in attention as he fixed her slowly appearing form with a wild gaze. Personally unfazed by his feral glare, Midna gave him a face splitting smile (truly a happy gesture--not.) and giggled. The situation was simply far to funny to her. She leapt into the air, causing the wolf to whip his head upward and stagger backward with a growl. If he kept those sudden movements up, he was surely going to fall! Midna laughed again.

"I found you!" she giggled, smiling as she landed a few feet away from the crazy dog-boy. Her chipper nature earned a deep throated snarl from him as he took a (what he clearly thought to be) threatening position. Midna faked fear. "Ooh, aren't you scary!" she mocked.

Since she knew of what he _really_ was, she decided to play on his naïve nature. "Eee hee! Are you sure you want to be doing that? Snarling and glaring at me?" His behaviour did not desist. "Well, that's too bad…I was planning on helping you…if you were nice." And like clockwork, the growls echoing off the cold stone walls silenced, the angry look faded, replaced by one of curiosity, and he stood, his ears facing forward eagerly. Midna rolled her eyes. How predictable.

"Eee hee! That's much better! You humans are obedient to a fault, aren't you?" she laughed. Of course not, he's a dog. "Oops! But you AREN'T a human anymore, are you? You're a beast! Eee hee!" she continued, slapping up his lower jaw, causing his head to tilt violently back. He responded with another glare, and without warning, barked fiercely and attempted to bite her. Midna was impressed. So, this soon-to-be-bitch-of-hers had a backbone, did he? Well, she'd have to show him who's boss. But first…

"There there. You be a good boy and calm down. No need to bite!" she scolded, leaping nimbly out of the way. Circling her hands before her, the imp summoned a small fraction of the power of the Fused Shadow helmet and flung it at the wolf. The chain connecting the manacle on his left leg broke with an audible _snap_! This action caused him to jump back and bark in surprise as he inspected the broken chain.

"You look kind of surprised! Eee hee hee!" Midna giggled, sticking her face toward the wolf's to relish in the stunned look on his features. My my, he sure was expressive for an animal.

Dancing back toward the bars of the cell, she dematerialised while saying, "So I bet you're wondering: where exactly are we?!" He huffed in surprise at her actions. _He really ought to stop with this being stunned all the time. At the rate we're going, he's going to have a heart attack!_

Midna rematerialized on the other side. "Well, I'll make you a deal. If you can get over here, maybe I'll tell you! Eee hee!" With a wave, she stretched, yawned, and then fixed him with a condescending smirk. Of course, this vanished rather quickly as the wolf expertly smashed a pile of crates in the corner and then dug under the bars. He seemed to wear a smirk of his own as he violently shook the dirt and debris out of his fur. However, this look faded when he looked around for her after hearing her demonic giggle in the shadows, being replaced by that oh-too-familiar Look of Shock when she roughly deposited herself on his back, as one would a horse.

This time he snapped out of it quickly in favour of acting the part of a bucking mount, leaping and chasing his tail in circles, all within the efforts of shaking her off. However, this was completely unsuccessful, for two reasons: one, Midna was not fooled by his actions and was expecting them, and two: in the midst of his thrashing, the wolf stepped on his own tail and fell flat on his face--err, _snout_.

Midna was _about_ to say, "Hmm! I guess you're not _completely_ stupid after all!" but his fall took the words into a level of superfluousness previously unheard of by mankind. Although, perhaps his bucking _did_ end in its desired effect: Midna rolled off the wolf's back, laughing wildly. "Oh--my--" she wheezed, "you are so _stupid_!!"

The wolf growled again, standing. Were he human, an incredible blush would have taken residence on his cheeks. So, he decided to get revenge for his humiliation. With a canine roar, he pounced…

….and fell again, eliciting even more raucous peals of laughter from the annoying imp. After recovering, (slightly--she was still giggling) Midna floated up and landed on his back again. This time, completely out of embarrassment, he did not protest. She patted him on the head with another laugh. "Listen, I like you, so I think I'll get you out of here," she said. Without warning, she seized his ear, causing him to bark angrily. "But in exchange for my help, you have to do EXACTLY as I say! If you need anything from me, just shout!" She sent a swift kick to his ribcage. "So are we all clear? Good! Now come on, get moving!"

* * *

As the duo made their way through the sewer, encountering many soldiers' souls (and the wolf stumbling every few steps), they found themselves face to face with some spider like creature. At the moment it was distracted by an appetizing skull. Midna took the opportunity to intervene with her 'words of wisdom.'

"Look, you're obviously not used to your new body yet, so I'll just tell you…Think of how you fought your enemies in your human form…just because your shape has changed doesn't mean your instincts have as well!" she instructed. And with that, the wolf jumped into the fray, biting and clawing and barking…

…Even after his foes had been vanquished. Midna laughed again. "Hey, idiot! It's gone!" she said, just to see the predictable expression of shock on his face. However, what he did next was alien.

The pony sized wolf trembled, opened his jaws and vomited on the stone floor at his feet.

"Aww, gross!" Midna groaned. "Well, those monsters won't taste very good; I could have told you that."

He gave a pained growl that spoke volumes: _Then why didn't you?!_

Midna rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time that, erm, day? Night? Perpetual dusk? Either way, the wolf jumped into the murky water to exonerate his paws and mouth of any foul detritus. Not very bright. He promptly puked again.

"You moron!!"

* * *

When they had _finally_ reached the final gate leading out of the sewer, Midna decided to challenge him again. She floated to the other side of the bars. Extending her prehensile hair to make it wave at him, she called, "This way! Over here! I'll be waiting for you, but you have to help yourself for a change!" With a bark of determination, he took off…back in the direction they had come.

Midna giggled. He was _such_ a lost cause.

* * *

If she had any perception of time, Midna would have guessed that it took her wolf slave over an hour and a half to reach her. And when he did, he was bedraggled and mangy and smelly--did he up chuck again?

Nonetheless, she remounted her furry steed and they both took off again, this time in search of a certain Princess.

* * *

As she had guessed, this meeting was both dull and informative. However, the wolf seemed to have enjoyed it, by any guess of his lazy eyed, lolling tongued expression when the Hylian matriarch had stroked the fur between his ears. Their escape had been daring and exciting, however.

Once back on the roof, she floated out to he parapet and skipped along it with the wolf following. She ought to have learned his name.

While she was dancing along, karma seemed to be an unruly bitch: her tiny foot stepped and slipped on a loose piece of blue tile, causing her to plummet off the roof to her death.

Or not. Silly readers, Twili imps can float! Although, her save face didn't stop the situation from being any more embarrassing, especially when she found her wolf friend sitting patiently on the spot she had tripped. Those sharp teeth of his (all the better to smirk at you, my dear!) were on full display, his eyes glittering mischievously.

"Oh shut up," Midna snapped, warping them both away.


	2. Courageous Meat Cleaver

No. 2: Courageous Meat Cleaver

Hello! Let's roll!

"HRAAA!" Link cried as his well made Ordon sword cleaved its way through a Bokoblin's thick skull, sending the ruby skinned beast to the ground where it exploded in a cascade of dark smoke and purple blood. Wiping his brow, he sheathed his sword and streched.

From his shadow, Midna yawned for the umpteenth time. "Bra-vo," she drawled. "You weild your sword like a meat cleaver. Were you raised in a barn or something?" she continued, appearing before the now miffed hero.

Link gave her a reproachful look with a scowl on his lips.

Midna giggled. "that's right, you _were_! I _was_ going to say 'raised by wolves,' but that would have been too cliche."

He rolled his eyes and continued down the path that would eventually end at Faron Woods' Forest Temple. _And like that wasn't?_ he thought as he jogged down the dusty path. He paid no mind to the obscenely coloured myna bird that screeched "buy something!" at him as he passed by. But sitting right where the path opened to the clearing was an even more ostentatiously coloured animal: a glowing golden wolf.

"That a friend of yours?" Midna snarked when she followed his eyes to discover what he was gawking at.

By this time the gold wolf had spotted the unlikely duo and thus stood, crouched and pulled his lips back to reveal pointed teeth in a dazzling yet ferocious snarl.

"What did you do to tick him off, you owe him money or something?" the Twili imp quipped. Link's only response was to draw his sword right before the wolf leapt at his face.

As if by some unknown magic, Link's world dissolved into a white fog that clogged his senses and rendered him momentarily unconscious. When he came to, he stood in a whitewashed landscape. He could make out the vague outline of Hyrule Castle and other prominent (he guessed) landmarks around the kingdom. Where was he?

Before he could ponder his whereabouts any longer, a heavy, echoing breathing came from behind him. For some reason, he expected to turn around to see a black armoured figure, but instead a skeletal moss covered figure with a round shield and longsword met him. He gave off a faint, throbbing glow, but the light behind his steadily burning single red eye never wavered. The warrior fell easily and fluidly into a fighting stance. By instinct, Link did the same. However, when his opponent made no move to strike, Link took the opportunity.

...Unfortunately his attack fell short when the skeleton blocked and countered so quickly that Link blinked and missed it. With a rough cry, he was knocked back a significant distance and landed heavily on his back.

That was when the mysterious figure spoke: "A hand cannot well wield a sword unless there is courage behind it," he paused, "As well it would aid you greatly if the weapon you use is not swung akin to a meat cleaver."

Link sweatdropped. Standing, he brushed himself off, exonerating his clothing from the (nonexistent) etethral dust. He picked up his sword from where it fell and then faced the warrior again.

"You are destined to be the saviour of this great land, but as you stand, you have no chance of defeating the darkness," the mysterious soldier explained. "I am here to teach you the necessary skill that you require. Now face me! This skill is called the Ending Blow. Watch carefully." With a gruttural cry, the fragile looking fighter leapt nimbly into the air, somersaulted and then came down hard, burying his sword point into whatever it was they both stood on. "Now you try."

Link was stunned. He'd never seen Rusl do anything of the kind in their lessons. He nodded gravely and then jumped into the air like his new teacher did...

...and fell flat on his face. "Ow!" he yelped. Sluggishly, he stood once again to find that his mentor had introduced his bony palm to his bonier forehad.

"I see that we have our work cut out for us..."

After what seemed like days, Link had finally mastered the Ending Blow. With a triumphant roar, he leapt, somersaulted, and struck with precision.

"Excellent! That was a pointed strike," the Hero's Shade told him, pride in his voice. "You have mastered the Ending Blow, a move that can only be preformed with a sword that is held in confident and able hands. I have great hope that you will succeed in your quest, and pray that the Goddesses have not doomed us once and for all. Go, and do not falter, my child..."

And with that the world faded to black.

When Link came to, he found Midna grumbling to herself. What had been late evening when he had arrived was now early morning. He called out to his shadowy companion.

"Well it's about time!" she groused. "It's been a day and a half since you were abducted by aliens. I mean spirited away by that dragon. I mean dragged off to your watery grave by that crocodile. GOOD GRIEF. Taken wherever by that mangy mutt! What were you doing anyway, sniffing hydrants in Kingdom Come?"

In a fair few sentences, Link explained his crash course in killing, not sparing any details.

Midna floated, stunned momentarily. Blinking, she grinned. Her wicked smile grew until giggles escaped her. Soon, these chuckles became full on laughter. She was rolling on air laughing her...butt...off. ROALBO. No, that doesn't quite work.

When her peals of laughter subsided, she said, wiping a tear from her eye, "You...are...such...a doofus! Even some ancient warrior guy agrees with me!"

Link glared hotly at the imp he was hating more and more with each passing second. Too bad he wasn't a wolf at the moment, he'd give his left arm to bite her. In the end, he settled for rolling his eyes again and stalking back up the path toward the temple.

He got his satisfaction later when a monkey walked through her.

It had fleas.

END


End file.
